i was getting ready for school to start in approximately 2 weeks time, so i decided to pack up some notes that were related to CFA. As i was sorting out some notes, i caught sight of a familiar blue file. There was apparently a reason why it was chucked right at the top of my cupboard, trying its best to stay hidden. I had clearly forgotten its existence.

i put down my notes, reached up to the blue file. hesitated a moment and opened it. it was a mistake, coz for every page i turned, i felt my heart wrenched harder. it was my acceptance letter to usyd and all the paper documentation needed for my studies there.

like i told rus, it was and it will always be a life altering stigma in my life. if i could turn back the hands of time, i would have stuck to my decision to go ahead - something which i fought my dear life for.

ive been quite half farked. i screwed up my PSLE, went to a screwed up secondary school, screwed up my Os, went to Poly when everybody else were in JC, then i went ahead to screw up my Poly. I screw up the decision to usyd and then landed up in a screwed up uni and proceeded to screw that up too.

I need to get something right in my life. I need to do something for myself. I need to fark everything else in my life and do something right.

expectations change gradually as the years pass by. the thinkings that i stood by so strongly in the past, were no longer important to me.

contentment - is that a lifetime's bliss? or just another dangerous factor to settle for?

I am about to make another life altering decision. And this time I want to be sure that I will not live to regret that decision.

It will be for the better. it has to be.

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