I vaguely remember the elation I felt the last time BFF got married. I teared as she walked down the aisle with NB, looking so stunningly gorgeous. As the music played on, I had a fast forward moment on the day she told me that there is this guy from dragon boating and how 2 years later, she made an important step in her life to get married to the man she loves and who loves her too. and this woman got to come hug me after saying her speech that made the both of us bawl on stage. So embarrassing. Lol.

These few days, I have had a recoil of such elation again, this time to the male version of my BFF – Rus. No, he is not getting married yet.

As we grew up together, we experience each other's major events in life. Whether is it to get to which poly, or to have bar chor mee for dinner (oh yes, having bar chor mee is a major event in rus' life. Haha! No pun intended!).

And so, my dear friend here is in love. Deeply in love.

And I remembered the first time he told me bout her and the complications of their relationship, I was slightly disapproving. I didn’t want him to go through the emotions I went through, something which I think nobody should ever experience, especially a dear friend. But as the time passes by, I saw an evolution in him. For the past 12 years, I have never ever seen him react the way he did or did the things he done.

He spoke to me, so full of excitement! and I reminded myself of my past. So full of love and the world revolved around us. You go home each day, logged on the computer just hoping to see each other online. You talk on the phone until wee hours of the morning and even though you are so freaking tired, you don't wanna hang up until 5am. You laugh at everything each other say, and become so proud of each other’s presence. You tear when you talk bout sensitive things like maybe its better for us to be friends. Your heart actually aches for the first time. You yearn for each other so much, it's like you will hug each other to death when you meet up. You think about what happens in a good way and bad way. Everything single thing that gets through your mind now, is US. Not me. And this is so not rus.

Because the rus I knew had space in his mind only for himself. Not that he was self centered or what, but he knew what he wanted in life and how he is going to get there, and he does not allow anyone to ruin the way things are going to be. He is fark serious bout being there and doing that. For his past relationships, there was fear. Fear that things will not turn out well, fear that there might be a stumbling block, fear of loving but not loving enough, so much fear in him!

This lady, quite amazing also u know! I actually think she would be good for him. I thought she actually tamed him quite a bit. Like he has met a challenge, someone that has a mind of her own and also knows what she wants.

Therefore, last Monday, I told rus that I remembered the way life was for me 4-5 years back, and that if he really loves her, I want him to fark all odds, cut some slack, be selfish, do something for himself and HONG HONG LIE LIE DE AI YI CHANG. For better or for worse. At least if all things do not go well, u know there was this one person in your life whom you had once loved so much and had once loved you as much too. THAT is experiencing love.

Seriously, how often can u meet someone whom you love so much, and who reciprocates that piece of love? I think for rus, its doubly difficult la.

And seriously, rus speaks to her till 5am in the morning knowing he has a Cantonese oral 4 hours later? Rus actually thinks bout what is going to happen to them, while he is on his way to school? Rus talks about compromising when she brings up long distance relationship. Since when Rus talks like that sia!! For those who knows Rus, this is not him la.

Ya, and now when he talks to me online or over the phone, there will be an abundance of "she's so cute la". Lol. And I bet he doesn’t even realize it. Even when I ask my bro to get KS for her, he also happy lor! happy what?! Lol!

BUT! Im happy for you rus. So much so, happy is an understatement. I really think its time for you to indulge just this once. You've had too many thoughts, too much fears, way too much hesitation, too much worries. Sometimes, things are simple the way it is.

Go for it, love like you've never been loved. Someday, we need to know the greatness of love. How it changes us as a person (for the better), how we do everything for a reason, how we sometimes quicken our pace so we can get home faster to see him or her, how it makes us yearn for him/her, how it makes us crazy, how it pains us, and how we know that at the end of the day, we do it because he/she is worth it. Every single bit.

And should there one day be as much pain as I've experienced (i dont hope for that to happen but we will never know), I promise I will be there. The same way you have always been for me.